It has years since I wrote in this blog. I had been thinking about writing this for some time but couldn't find the courage, maybe, to pursue the subject I had in mind.
On February 27, 2012, my brother Ron, a year younger than I, called me to wish me a Happy Birthday. During the conversation he admitted to being discouraged, something he never mentioned in previous phone calls. We continued talking for awhile and then we ended the conversation. I appreciated his birthday wish but didn't expect it to be my last conversation with him. Ron and I were rather close although we were 400 miles apart. I would call him up more than he called me though.
On February 29 I got a phone call from his son-in-law Duane who informed me that Ron was missing. Missing? He was not the type to just disappear. He was a responsible person, nice job, married, two daughters, six grandchildren. What is happening?
The conversation continued as he talked to my wife Lucy. I called my sister Jane on my cell phone to clue her in on it and she listened to the conversation when I held the phone up to the phone I was using to talk to Duane. Then there was mention of suicide. I asked him why he thinks it could be suicide. "There are signs," was all he said.
Now I'm an emotional guy sometimes (occasional anxiety) and lately I had been a bit of a nervous wreck from some unrelated happenings that were attempting to impress its influence upon me. But that got resolved and now I had this incident to think about. Depression runs in the family but there are ways to deal with it so all is under control--but this?
Ron and I grew up together, 16 months apart in age. When I was five and he was four Mom was in a family way and we were told that we were going to have a baby brother or sister. We chose to have a brother; we implored the Almighty for a brother. We already had two sisters. I was a little disappointed when they came from Babyland with a little sister. Even at five years old I was thinking that my parents should have waited until there was a brother available to bring home. I did not react like Gunner, but it is uncanny that Ron looked almost like this boy at that age.
We went through five sisters before a brother came along seven years later.
March 1st Lucy and I went to get our taxes done and I was on pins and needles, wondering if Ron would be found. While our taxes were being done by AARP, I finally got word that Ron was found. They had been looking for him in a wooded area the day before but abandoned the search because of heavy rain, but now, today, they found him, not far from where he had left his company truck. He had left a note. At the news my mind went numb. There was nothing we could do at this point. He in Pennsylvania, I in Ohio.
That evening I was sitting in my easy chair half asleep, half awake, and I heard his voice as if he was walking by; getting louder as he passed by and fading as he continued on. I didn't hear what he was saying but the voice was distinctive enough to sound like him. I felt a little better that there was a communication of sorts between us; one way anyway; from wherever he was.
