This is the fourth Opinion Shaper article, published on July 22, 2012, in the Mansfield News Journal, Mansfield, Ohio.
You can stop the harrassment.
The recent incident in which Karen Klein was bullied by a group of boys in New York brought back memories of my high school days. I did not fit in with others because of my own special needs and insecurities, and those were a sure target for anyone who wanted to pick on someone.
Bullies pick on those who look like they can be taken advantage of. Three or four classmates chose to pick on me at times and it made me feel confused, angry, and almost frantic.
Years later on a wintry day I was driving home, only to become stuck in the snow in our driveway. A former classmate came along on a snowmobile, with his small son on his lap. He was one of those bullies I had occasionally encountered in high school. Only a few years after high school, I can only assume he remembered me as a classmate. Not much was said but he graciously helped me out.
I was happy for the assistance but suddenly I felt largely forgotten feelings of rage cropping up in my memory and at first it took an effort to keep from initiating some kind of attack mode. Reason prevailed and I quickly quelled those feelings, realizing that our perceptions change, past memories grow dim, and any past childish pranks may be but a dim memory, or forgotten completely. I immediately forgave the past to allow common sense to put me back on a more reasonable emotional track. (You don’t need to wait for someone to ask for forgiveness.)
A friend of mine who had severe medical issues during her school years told me she met a gentleman decades later who had been one of those bullies, and confronted him. His reaction was that he was at a loss on how to answer the charges. Here they were over 50 years old and she was rehashing past memories of events during the formative years when kids make all kinds of mistakes while growing up—teenagers especially are prone to test the struggles between childhood and growing independence.
Adults can often forget those times because they are in another phase of life. “…when I became a man I put away childish things.”
Bullying has always been around, ever since Cain and Abel had their differences. But what role models do young people have? Teen movies today exhibit such behavior, children see their parents fighting, siblings get into fights, anyone who is different is subject to ridicule; racial hatred, homophobia, disrespect for culture, envying one’s lifestyle, the proliferation of violent computer games, police brutality, and children who are bullied and/or abused can turn into bullies themselves.
One incident on YouTube shows a father beating his son with a belt for not catching a ball correctly during a father/son back yard practice—an example of parents excessively pushing their sons or daughters into activities that supposedly mirror their own successes or failures in life.
The religious community is not scot free from blame either. Certain church groups teach hatred for alternate lifestyles, anyone who is different in race, creed, or culture. Theodore Roosevelt coined the term “bully pulpit” to describe his presidential influence he had to promote his agenda. Today, with a slight change in etymology, the term fits the tirades heard over church pulpits that spout forth hatred and disdain for others.
So, is bullying going to stop? For some people, yes; bullying at large, hardly. There are several methods to stop it. Guide a child to be more confident. Take an interest in martial arts—the kind that teach confidence, honor and respectability in self defense. A little interaction in a bullying situation can stop it in its tracks. Or why not institute a grade school course to teach respect for others!
Karen Klein’s experience at the hands of abusive youngsters was an eye-opener since it was shown to the world. She is to be commended for enduring such abuse. When it becomes extremely personal, it often renders one powerless. Fortunately she had positive public opinion to her benefit. Any combative reaction on her part would have changed the picture entirely.
It seems that school officials have a tendency to mishandle bullying situations, especially when the victim fights back. School is the place where bullying is apt to present itself because of the presence of so many children together who only follow their own instincts of behavior.
The place to really address the bullying question is in family cohesiveness, but that is like stopping a train. You may teach a child how to handle himself and get results but you have grown people who need to also alter their behavior, and that can be almost impossible; old habits die hard.
Respect, tolerance, understanding, compassion, forgiveness. As Rodney King said in 1992 during the violent Los Angeles race riots, “Can we all get along?”
